Welcome Aboard The Black Pig - Shipping & Freight Blog

Who Polices the Police ?

Lately this blog has often seemed to be a very down beat look at the UK.

Vandals, thieves, drivers etc. And our particular bete noir, the Government. So is it time to look at the world through a rosier pair of specs this week? Nah. Not a bit of it. Kick 'em when they're down.

Some time ago, seemingly in a world far, far away people trusted the Police. You could always find your friendly local bobby (well that's the way most people seem to remember it). And indeed this picture of the past really isn't that far off the mark.

Then, insidiously, a change crept into British society. Like growing old. One day you look in the mirror and this fat, balding, old bloke has nicked your reflection.

Unfortunately the change of which your skipper speaks has spread like the piggies cold to infect a much wider spectrum of "authority" than PC 49. Recently we were treated to yet another tawdry example of how low our coppers now stoop in their "pursuit of duty". An insignificant lack of cooperation led to the death of some poor unfortunate who just happened to be on the scene when a perfectly legal demonstration took place. As we have seen before the knee jerk reaction of Mr Plod was to come up with a fantasy to explain the event, only to be shown as a liar when the ubiquitous cell phone footage made it's inevitable appearance. Sometimes all this surveillance serves a useful purpose. Some days you git the Baar, some days he gits you.

My main reason for this diatribe however is regarding the aftermath of such incidents. There seems nowadays to be no body in the public eye whose idea of disciplining their members appears nothing less than laughable to Joe Public. The police have been seen time and time again to want to do no more than cover each others arses. I know, I have had first hand experience of officers blatantly lying, in and out of Court, to cover their, or a colleagues tracks. Fortunately not all are infected with this trait but it is a disgrace that so many are. They view themselves as social outcasts but appear incapable of figuring out why that should be.

Right, lets move on to another bunch of weak willed, lily livered misfits who consider themselves able to adjudicate on the behaviour of their fellows. The "gentlemen" of the press. The Press Complaints Commission aka the pretty crap council (and that's the family viewing version). We are asked to believe that this pathetic excuse for an "authority" can strictly govern the behaviour of the gang of yahoo, addled morons who work for our so called "newspapers". The PCC is funded by......the press. It has no legal authority. It is funded by journals voluntarily who have no obligation to take any notice of it whatsoever. Look at a low life like Piers Morgan, they found him guilty of nothing short of insider trading and - nothing happened. It took deliberately faked photos of Iraqi war atrocities to drag him like a putrified limpet from his post.

Next the captains pistol points at.... the GMC, the General Medical Council. Criticised by doctors and public alike, each saying it favoured the other. Yet when it came to a vote to abolish self regulation? The docs decided overwhelmingly they actually quite liked things as they are. Ask yourself, if you had the choice would you retain a body that left Shipman in a job, a decision the subsequent inquiry found to be "expedient rather than principled". As Liam Donaldson (sensible bloke as it happens) said of the GMC at the time "secretive, tolerant of sub-standard practice and dominated by the professional interest, rather than that of the patient".

Where do you want to go next? Lawyers? Politicians? Wheel Clampers? I can't even tell you it's time to man the barricades brothers as no doubt I'd be breaching anti terrorist laws (again, every time a copper stops me he tells me it's to do with "the war on terrorism" I kid you not).

So buy a fiddle folks, I can smell smoke.

(The editor apologises to anyone who thought this was a shipping and logistics blog. The old boy hasn't been the same since the parrot died).

Rail Vandals, Summer Holidays and the Collapse of Empire

Firstly let me just state that there's something about growing old that makes one Grumpy, as regular readers will no doubt have noticed. Don't say I didn't warn you.

The latest story in the HSG tells of a group of fifteen or so year olds uncoupling a freight train from its carriages. OK, you say, nothing new here, boys will be etc. etc. Fact is, for as long as any of us remember the school holidays have alway succeeded in letting the lunatics out of the asylum. For six weeks or so the streets are apparently prowled by psychotic vandals anxious to wreak devastation on all and sundry. The latest incident could indeed have had dire consequences.

But think back a little (or in my case quite a lot). When did a fifteen year old really consider their actions. All that a kid that age is intent on, is impressing his peers (especially if there are any women in the vicinity).

Let's be honest here, we have some real, deep seated problems in our society today and no matter how much we'd like to, we can't blame all the actions of the "am I bovvered" generation on the brats themselves. The UK has succeeded in lowering its educational standards from some of the finest in the world to, at best, very average, in two generations. Parental standards have slipped equally, single is almost the norm, TV is mainly mindless garbage, newspapers (yes, even the formerly highbrow ones) are pure drivel.

Politicians are bent as nine bob notes, sportsmen spit, swear and embarass themselves in public and ignorance reigns supreme. People suffer from "road rage" (who actually came up with that little gem), young women move around in gangs getting drunk or worse, pregnant at 14, policemen act like street hoods and the whole lot appears to be going to hell in a hand cart.

Now, before you start to believe that the man at the helm of the good ship Black Pig is actually Littlejohn on vacation (or God forbid Gary Bloody Bushell), let me try and throw in some positives.

Not all kids are rotten to the core. Yes, a lot of them suffer from a lack of imagination (the girl genius on "Question Time" who complained that there was "nothing for youngsters to do" springs to mind) but then they're kids. They need a pilot to guide them through the shoals of stupidity which appear like acne and pubic hair in adolescence. Many of the Asian families prove to be better at this than other ethnic groups because they seem to value respect more highly and place emphasis on extra curricular education. This effect is not limited to any social group however and can be seen elsewhere, particularly in middle class families.

So are we returning to a more clearly defined class system (ironically the very thing which exists in many parts of Asia)?  I believe we are and the blame for this can certainly be ascribed in large part, to the ineptitude and confusion arising from the Ministry of Education under the guidance of the last few Governments. In their desperation to ensure that all get an equal opportunity they have only succeeded in bringing levels down to depths unknown in modern times. In an effort to "equalise" society they abandoned Grammar schools and simply managed to produce a system where one needs to pay to get a level of education anything like that which previously was available free to anyone who worked for it.

We need to see a revitalising of the way we bring up the next generation, kids who achive academically, put them in an environment where they can use their talents, children good with practical things teach them to work with their hands, cook, become vets, tree surgeons, wildlife wardens, whatever they choose. Very few professions are that much more important than any other. "Personalities" need to learn to act in a manner which those who look up to them can emulate. Journalists need to take a more responsible attitude and realise the effect their words can have.

Teach kids to enjoy life and value themselves as you should value them. Oh. And when they whinge that "there's nothing to do" just remind them that they still have all the things their grandparents and parents had (even the wars) like sport, art, hiking, libraries,fishing, cycling, sailing etc. plus a little matter of skateboarding, kite surfing, the internet, face 'n space book, 200 tv channels, DVD's, CD's, Super bloody Mario, Game boys, Wii (is that plural?), MSN, business studies. So do me a favour kids. Leave the railways alone, stop chucking concrete off motorway bridges, don't go joyriding and happy slapping. If you want to take out your angst on the world, just go home and punch your parent.  

Told you I was grumpy. Take a look at the original HSG story here...

Transport & Logistics Loans - Where does the cash come from?

More news today of another Government's "bail out" of our industry. This time it's Logistics giant Hapag Lloyd who are about to snaffle € 300 million which is the advance guard for a total windfall of, wait for it, € 1.75 BILLION in funds made up by a combination of Shareholders money and Bank loans underwritten by German Government guarantees. (HSG Story).

These seemingly endless pit props erected for major operators in the light of the current financial climate can be viewed only in two ways. Either you take the view that this activity is a necessary support for our entire commercial and monetary system or you can look from the opposite direction and say, so be it, the Capitalist model states that everybody sinks or swims on their own merits. Some years there are more winners and some, more losers but hey, that's the name of the game.

Now it's not usually the Captains place to back Governments, any Governments. On balance they're staffed with know little wannabe's who often have never had a proper job. In the UK the whole of Government is driven by a thick (sometimes very thick) layer of Civil servants who carry on regardless, working for bosses who change the management direction every 4 or 5 years.

But, take a deep breath, this time I'm coming down on the side of authority. Not because I think they're any more capable than usual, just because is there really any alternative to saving what they can from the morass of collateral damage oozing out under the weight of this depression.

The last thing we need at the moment are more corporate ships sinking. 

 We are effectively living in a system that would make Bernie Madoffwivthemoney proud.

All our Corporate institutions are pyramidic in their organisation in that it is never one clean hit when a major player goes under. This is the case whether they be a bank, a retailer or a manufacturer. All these institutions depend on other smaller players and this dependence is symbiotic. When the corporate ship sinks, down go all the crew, the pilots, the chandlers, the agents, the fuel suppliers even the rats.

Indeed there is a case to be made that a logistics supplier has less right to a hand out than many other commercial operations. In the long term however the damage is the same, loss of jobs leads to a bigger tax bill to support the individual.

Transport is the grease which lubricates the free flow of trade. As the sector shrinks with a recession so we must become more efficient and there will always be casualties but, as Darwin famously said, "If the heats too hot get out of the kitchen" (actually that might have been Mrs Beeton).

The so called "First World" Governments (what happened to the "Second World" by the way, they get no press at all), must support their ailing industries. To allow the inevitable collapses which would follow should they choose not to do so would be to face a chilling reality, the money has run out.

The world economy is like an ocean, the many storms, rip tides and currents are impossible to predict or control. Eventually things settle to the correct level but who can say where that level is or when it will reach that point. Until we live in a world with a settled population, enough food for all and peace overall we have to take that view. So today, I'm with the Germans, and I'm not holding my breath for Nirvana.

 

Return of the Road Runners

 

Following up earlier stories of Pirates and Highwaymen comes another tale of gains ill gotten on the road, this time from India ( Dick Turban rides again).

Now, call me old fashioned, but once again we’re looking at an astonishing lack of class. I can accept the fact that this gang of wannabe road legends saw fit to arm themselves with home made guns and cheap Chinese pistols, but what was this precious cargo they enriched themselves with?

Sapphires in transit from Kashmir, Alexandrite from the Vishakhapatnam mines, Bullion travelling the roads from the Kolar gold fields?

Nope, iron rods. What’s that all about? Ruddy iron rods. Black Bess’s governor must be spinning in his Yorkshire pit. I don’t care about the fluctuating price of scrap. These idiots split their loot seven ways. The proceeds probably didn’t cover the cost of the cleaning bill (assuming these blokes ever have a cleaning bill).

So to help out any of you misguided fools who still think this type of crime might ever pay, here are the Captains tips for success in the piracy/highway robbery industry.

1) Don't pick small targets. People with no money aren’t worth the aggro.

2) Don’t pick big targets. Nicking ships in the straits off Aden might seem a good idea at the time but very soon, like Betamax rentals and Sinclair C5 hire, this bubble will burst. It’s liable to happen when you paddle up to your chosen supertanker and a man with a missile pops up over the prow. Rumours abound that this already happens but nobody speaks up (who needs the paperwork?).

3) Don’t use a horse. Lovely they may be but you’ve naff all chance of a decent getaway. If you really want to show the law a clean pair of heels have your girlfriend rest her Jimmy Choos’ on the parcel shelf of the Evo when you leg it.

4) Don’t wear a patch and a cocked hat with a skull on it. Nor a stripy jumper and knee boots. You’ll look like an amnesiac, fancy dress party boy, and being laughed at openly isn’t the kind of reaction you want to provoke.

5) And this is the big one. Don’t, under any circumstances, no matter how boracic you may be, never, ever, let your mates persuade you that nicking a truck load of iron rods is a good idea.
Trust me, it takes about a week to bury ‘em.

ALIVE !!! The Good Ship HSG sails at last !

So. 

The big day at last. After two years hard work and planning the Handy Shipping Guide soft - launched yesterday. It is our avowed intent to become the number one source of up to date shipping information based in the UK. All those years of frustration sitting under he oil lamps in Dickensian offices have finally paid off (well, no, not exactly paid). All the panics and depressions trying to get the right thing from the back of beyond to the right destination, within the right timescale, for the right price have led us to this.

From the word go anybody working directly in any of the HSG offices was and is out of the freight business, not without a plethora of contacts you understand, but with no vested interest in any freight, transport, logistics, land, sea, air, rail, horse drawn, cycle powered, any ruddy form of getting things from A to B.

That doesn't mean we don't know our market. Most of the old gits you'll find on an HSG site (especially old, especially gitty on this particular one) are well versed in all things logistical. It's just that having seen other (pathetic) similar sites pretending to offer freight services / directories / news we find all are backed by individuals or companies with links to all manner of freight carriers.

So here we go then, the bows slipping silently into the waters of the unknown. Your Captain understands that nobody can predict success or failure with any degree of accuracy. He does know this however, there is nothing to beat the excitement and anticipation of a new voyage travelling into uncharted waters, with a fresh crew and a following wind of enthusiasm. God bless the Black Pig, and all who sail with her........

 (that nearly veered into the Star Trek intro. And I got through it without mentioning Griff Rhys Jonah, his moronic comments about anglers or the Holy of Holy Angling Trust (Gawd bless 'em) despite the doubts of the crew that I'd blog it up). Oh...

Handy Shipping Guide  (well look at it then !)