So Where Are those Ruddy Horseman ? Not on Our Patch.

Ahhh.

The sounds of British conversation, weather, weather, moan Ruddy Icelandics, coming over here, nicking our cash, exporting their air………..

Volcanic ash then, what’s that all about ?

Coldest may night in forty years.

Now there’s ANOTHER breakdown in the Channel Tunnel.

Can’t get any consignments there on time.

All we need then is a hurricane and dear old blighty can say the four men in black are riding their trusty steeds across the UK (common misconception that, they actually had a colour scheme more Viv Westwood than Alvin Stardust).

Take a look.

I don’t want to get biblical on your backsides but look at the facts:

Pestilence, (that’s the geezer on the white horse) fires his arrows into the crowd. What could that be then, swine flu? SARS? MRSA?

Pick a bug, any bug, let’s face it the biggest problem for most caused by the recent flu outbreak (considering it didn’t happen) was that the dear old Labour Government had spent millions upon millions buying in a vaccine which didn’t work and wasn’t necessary.

OK, OK. The Captain is a closet conspiracy theorist, but consider that, a few months before this stuff reached its sell by date they spread the vaccine amongst every GP in the country with instructions to “save the old and vulnerable” (and I don’t think they meant the government).

Every “Health Trust” (now there’s a contradiction in terms) in the country was coerced into spending hundreds of thousands of pounds on what seemingly was a useless, or near as dammit, preventative.

Now doesn’t that make you think maybe someone needed to save face?

Approach an election when you have to admit you’ve just slung millions of pounds worth of pharmaceuticals down the pan?

War, you don’t need me to figure that one out. Type in Wooton Basset or Helmand Province into your News browser.

Famine, (how come no grub equals the black horse, I’d have thought Death would have put up more of a fight for that one, maybe Famine used the old putrefaction argument, no, hang on, Death’s mount is pale green???).

Anyway, famine. Now the UK argument begins to run out of steam around here.

When the Captain’s hungry, he goes to the fridge just like most of his countrymen. None of us starve.

Consider that statement for five seconds.

None of us starve.

So maybe we should widen out this complaint into the ether to a global scenario and suddenly it all starts to make a lot more sense.

Pestilence, War, Famine and Death (you didn’t need assembly instructions for the Death argument).

When JC opened the fourth seal at the right hand of God (I can’t believe I’m going along with this) he released these four agents of evil upon the World, with me so far?

The World.

Not Folkestone, London Heathrow or Leamington Spa, but the lot of us.

As I don’t go much for the big beardy man (either ecumenically or sexually) I’m going to give Saint John the Evangelist who “revealed” all this stuff the benefit, and allow for the fact that this whole four blokes on gee gees is in fact a metaphor, although why he had to slander the son of God for releasing it on us when he came up with the tale goes right over my bonce.

We in the UK live in a wonderful world, the nature of which we fail to notice on an everyday basis.

When a drifting cloud of debris prevents us coming back from a short Spanish trip (don’t ask, 10 hours drive to Bilbao, hire car, hotel, ferry……), or a train gets stuck in the tunnel we seem to feel we have a hard life.

Not so.

The election dust having settled we know we’re in for a hard time, most of us look to the future with more than a little trepidation. Many will lose jobs, many more see living standards plummet, aspirations will need to be reined in.

Just don’t tell me it’s hard before you look at the wider picture.

They say a child dies every 17 seconds for lack of water on a planet where it covers most of the surface.

Next time I whinge in this column feel free to criticise.

.....(now come on be fair, I don’t care how devout you are, Death? Pale Green? What’s that all about?).

Comments

[Dental Tourism Philippines]

I like the LEGO horse! They're really cute! Thanks for sharing!