Having an office in Thailand means one has to take the occasional trip out there.
Life can be hell, hot weather, sandy beaches, deserted coral islands you know – work.
One of the things one always notices is the somewhat casual attitude to transport. This seems also to go hand in hand with the somewhat casual attitude to life (and death) on the highway.
When one (that means me) fancying a little blog ‘research’ as opposed to work it’s fairly easy to find people who have even more strange methods of getting about than one finds on the average Thai highway where four on a moped is, well, pretty unremarkable.
Now I went to school in the 60’s and I KNOW how many people can get in a mini (it’s 5 less than you can get on a 500cc Sunbeam and sidecar and 6 less than fit on and around a Bond three wheeler if you’re allowed to jump off on roundabouts and only go downhill).
But some of these people take it to a new level.
Now when it comes to trucks, well that’s a different story.
No problem fitting on lots of people, ask any driver who leaves his rig unattended at Calais when en route to Dover, but trucks need to be driven carefully.
A close friend of the Handy Shipping Guide moans constantly about Polish drivers nicking his work. He says he can’t understand how they not only cover it so cheaply but how they can transit so quickly.
I think I may be able to give him a clue.
Now THAT's a bit special!
Driving styles then vary from country to country. Many years ago we used to joke that the desert drivers (Iranians, Australians) were great on their own country roads; just don’t let them into town. It was alleged that nobody dare live on the first corners of a village as one emerged from the Iraqi desert because the truck drivers would knock the walls down so regularly.
I can remember tales of drivers taping cushions to their steering wheels so they could drape their legs through and go to sleep on the endless straight stretches.
Let’s face it, even in a civilised country like the States things must get pretty boring.
Whilst we are in the US and motoring south from Iowa through Missouri and Bill and Hill Country we get to Louisiana and this next vid is like an instructional presentation for Sebastian Coe and his ilk.
The London Olympics loom and with only two years to go we need, as a nation to study how the best of the best do it.
Now Atlanta is in the Southern state of Georgia and provides a template for how to run a Summer Olympics.
What is less well known is that they gleaned their organisational skills from the guys shown here.
You have to sit through a couple of minutes of intro to get the flavour of the, somewhat different, schedule of events, but stick with it, it's worth it.
Big UK story of the week surrounds Dick Denby, no not a character from a 1930’s adventure story a la the 39 Steps or Eagle Adventure for Boys Annual, but a 74 years young, old school, road haulier (or trucker, he types, knowing our US readers have no idea what a haulier is and me desperate for more Google kudos).
Now Dick has, you may well know, a long standing beef with those in high places in the Ministry of Transport (assuming they still call it that).
Dick reckons that he should be allowed to run his brand spanking new 83 foot road train, known in governmental circles as a LHV (Longer, Heavier Vehicle). Bit of a misnomer that because as I understand it weight doesn’t play much of a part in this particular equation. Dick says that the regulations as they are written under the 1986 Traffic Act state that “Special Vehicles” up to 85 feet are fine on British Roads.
He further says they travel all round Holland, Finland etc with no problems.
No problems Dick unless you get stuck behind one in a 12 year old Ford Mondeo 1800 and you want to go faster than 50mph, that is you, and the 200 new friends behind you.
Oh, and the escaped psychopath in a green and yellow Evo smallmanspenismobile who has to be 5 miles up the road in 3 minutes or his mum won’t let him inherit the earth.
Now please don’t think I’m dead against big vehicles.
DD’s points make sound sense from an economic and environmental point of view.
Yesterday I had to do a Clarkson and stop the car when I started shouting at the radio.
Some NIMBY, Friends of the Earth spokeswoman was arguing semantics with Denby about percentages of empty running, damage to roads etc.
No, I’m also not anti FoE, quite the opposite but as I told the lady politely whilst parked
“IT’S THE WRONG ARGUMENT YOU SILLY COW”.
Dick Denby is right. If you are carrying, as he does, commodities like breakfast cereal, toilet tissue, foam etc bigger vehicles make very sound economic and environmental sense.
To have an environmentalist arguing that “transport should get its act together, be more efficient, use the trains more….”etc does nothing to resolve the situation. Those of us who have owned and operated haulage (drayage to you US truckers – thanks again Google algorithms) companies, well you silly mare what do you think goes through our heads….
“Oh, no work about today, I’ll just let the lads circle Birmingham for a few hours and see if any jobs pop up, maybe they’ll be flagged down on the motorway by a punter desperate for a spare wagon.”
Trains darling? (yes patronising) run to stations. If everybody runs into Waterloo in their car to collect their morning cornflakes don’t you think that’s a bit more environmentally hostile than a seven and a half tonner delivering to the shop?
Who do you think worries more about inefficient, empty running than you?
Perhaps the poor man who has all his money plus his marriage staked on ensuring he makes enough out of his lorries to pay next months mortgage?
Any road up, Dick decided he’d throw a hundred grand or whatever at a very big shiny motor from Jumbo in the Netherlands who make very nice, very big and very shiny motors. Now if Dick owned Tesco and he proposed to run his new toy straight out of the depot in Glasgow or similar, directly onto the motorway system and there onto another identical depot, situated on a similar motorway adjacent site, then I for one would say thumbs up Dickie boy, capital idea.
But folks, that just ain’t how the world turns. For all my support let’s have a look at some pertinent facts.
Dick doesn’t own Tesco.
Dicks Denby depot isn’t on the motorway in Glasgow or anywhere else.
It’s in Lincolnshire. For our foreign readers this is fen country. The most common road accidents in the fens is people get bored and fall asleep and drive off the roads into ditches.
Some say they don’t get bored at all, they just would rather drive into ditches than across the fens.
True fact - most cars fail their MOT’s in Lincolnshire because the handbrakes are seized up, this is because nobody ever uses one, endless miles of flat country roads mean – no hills. No hills – no slopes – no handbrake required, I kid you not.
Dastardly Dicks depot is in a lane, far from civilisation. On the satnav it simply states "Here there be Dragons”. The roads are the width of a private drive in Surrey.
Dick doesn’t immediately access the motorway network when he sets off for the simple reason Lincolnshire hasn’t got a motorway network.
So unfortunately Richard I have to come down on the side of the mad women with the sandals and no make up.
You’re wrong on this one. Well intentioned and possibly technically correct, but wrong nevertheless. The UK isn’t Finland, we have 60 plus million people and they have 9. They also have twice the acreage.
But that isn’t the main reason for disagreeing with you.
The fact is simply that these vehicles, for all their green cred, the fact they can stop 20% quicker than an artic with equivalent load, lower fuel cost per mile etc. they’re just so bloody BIG. Even if we only allowed them on motorways you and I know that isn’t what will happen. If a driver can drive half a mile down a river because “the satnav said it was a road” imagine where your new lorry is going to end up when it crosses the mini roundabout in built up townshire.
Sorry DD but the rest of them out there don’t possess our common sense, the reason we have so much ruddy ‘elf and safety legislation is that textspeak rules, MP’s are more worried about their salaries than the education policy and the man in the street is about half as intelligent as he was thirty years ago.
Don’t agree? – take a look at this group, all trying to prove Darwin right.
Anyone want to buy a mobile warehouse? One careful owner.
